Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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