i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
