I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
