I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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