Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
