Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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