Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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