i just wanna soil my oats bro
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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