just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
