I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
is that a dick in a sweater?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
