Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
