who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
