I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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