How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
