Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
