think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
