I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
