Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
