I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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