i need an iv and a liver transplant
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
