you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
