Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
