Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
