Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
