he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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