im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
