She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
