i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
