he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
