So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
