Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
