Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
