worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
