it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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