I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So squirting runs in the family.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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