that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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