So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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