I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
