There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
