: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
