I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
