There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
