Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
