Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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