i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My vagina just recognized that song.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
