Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
