Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
