i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
