I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
