I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
