Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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