Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
