Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize