Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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