I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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