so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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