honey bunches of taint.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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