i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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