When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize