I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
