Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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