Don't make out with my wife yet
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
