your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
