i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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