Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
