I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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