$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize